One Year Ago

Last year I had every intention of blogging throughout brain surgery recovery… but I didn’t. I do not remember much about recovery but I do remember not having the energy or drive to blog or journal. So now a year later I feel I owe it to myself to record my feelings.

I think I expected to feel a sense of relief today. But today has brought back so many emotions and not even good emotions. I still don’t feel like myself. I do not know who I am anymore.

Seeing photos from last year have made me cry, cry all day. This was the most amount of fear I have ever felt. I was not allowed to have anyone come into the hospital with me. Literally dropped off at the curb. It was so scary. After surgery I just wanted to talk to my parents and had no way of communicating with them. It was so lonely and terrifying. A feeling I think about often… a feeling I can not forget. It is hard to feel THE feelings. Truly hard. And now I have 8 weeks of feelings I did not journal last year. This is hard!

Author: laurasznn

I am a conservative, slightly old-fashioned crazy girl. I love to read, write, sew, scrapbook, cook, bake, do crafts, enjoy nature, take my car off-roading, ride my bike, and just stay busy. I sometimes say I want a lazy day BUT I hate not having anything to do which means I frequently stretch myself too thin. I am the Life Enrichment Director at an assisted living facility. I love being around the elderly population. They are such amazing people who have so much to offer and teach. I also love the little guys too... I love being around kids, especially my nieces and nephews! In December of 2019 I was diagnosed with a Chiari Malformation that quite literally may have been a life changing diagnosis. I went from feeling like I was crazy. To maybe having answers.

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