I have been mentally trying to destress and be anxiety free for surgery on Thursday. It seems like the world is pushing against me right now. Telling me I should be taking care of others before myself. Telling me to postpone surgery for another date. But then I am also being pushed to care for myself. The guilt is unreal. Today I came across this shirt from Etsy. It made me laugh… because it is so true. Multiple times a day I run into walls thinking I am in the middle of a path. Just one symptom of many… that could be solved with one minor brain surgery.
On another hand. My last post I said I would be blogging about feelings and experiences leading up to this moment. I literally forgot what I was going to blog about. Soooo, maybe it will be an afterthought blog.
I know people are mocking Seattle. But we have gotten more snow in a day than we usually do in a year. It is a giant ice skating rink and the coldness bites your bones. We have two more snow storms and I am so over it. The sleep deprivation from the overnight at work has taken its toll. I am just hoping I can keep being positive at work. I think that is the hardest part– maintaining my sanity being so tired. (There is really only one person I want to push over in the snow and lock the doors!)
I am so tired I am waiting as long as I can to go to bed. A 7:00pm bedtime tonight? That seems okay to me! 7 days in a row of work… 4 more to go. I deserve an early bedtime!
I really fell in love with planners and the art of making them my own a couple years ago. I have ALWAYS loved planners, writing things in notebooks, and making lists. I am one of those crazy people who will write something on my shopping list (at the store) just so I can cross it off. These past four years I have kind of lost my passions and hobbies. I was miserable (still am sometimes), gained weight during the commute (pre-commuting I would work out at the gym twice a day…), and was just not a happy person. It was hard having to put on a happy face, working a job where it was kind of required, when I was feeling so lost inside. Last April, I transferred to a community 1.3 miles away from my house. With years of commuting, I lost HOURS a day and lost all motivation to read, write, and plan. This past week I met a friend at the library and we PLANNED. It was great! It was amazing! It was stress-relieving. I am starting small again, but I am starting. It makes me happy! I have also read three books. I really can not tell you how long it has been since I read a book (maybe four years)! I really feel these little steps are helping me add some joy back into my life. It is a start.
She is such a hard-working, dedicated, loving mother of 3 crazy, but super adorable children. When I was a commuter I had such huge amounts of guilt from being too tired to see family on days off. Huge amounts to the point that I would cry for hours on my days off because I felt horrible. That is truly no life to live. Working in Kent has been a blessing. I was able to surprise the kids at Ashlee’s volleyball game after work and spend the day with them today. I feel at peace when I am with my family.
How do you counteract those feelings of guilt? What are your go to coping mechanisms? Comment below. I would like to hear them!
I did not sleep well last night. I tossed and turned and was just restless all night long. I have all of these little holiday projects at work that are really stressing me out. I met up with one of my previous volunteers from the assisted living facility where I worked for most of my working career. It was such a good dinner and so much fun catching up. There was laughter, there was tears… you know, the usual. It got me thinking today about that stress last night. I have been so lucky to always have people in my corner to do these crazy projects with. These projects are supposed to be fun and I need to let go of the stress and just enjoy the season and the fun these surprises will create. I know they will get done so I am just going to be happy, smile, and get to it.
And if you are curious about these projects: we are making a 2’ by 4’ gingerbread scene and two 6 feet tall Nutcrackers….
I told myself I needed to try something new. Transferring to Aegis of Kent I have been reinvigorated in trying new art. I do not consider myself an artist AT ALL, but I am trying something new. I am trying and enjoying it. It has proven to be a great way to decompress in the evening. Tonight I attempted a lion and used chalk pastels.